Archive 1998

 THE END IS HERE

When I created Mary's Music Corner in 1998, The End is Here was a list of some scary signs I saw in the music industry. I have added "signs" along. I have received comments over the years concerning this article. Due to the fact that I received the most comments about this article over the years, I have continued to leave it up for your enjoyment. Please note that since I originally wrote this article in 1998, several of these "signs/artists" have already exhausted their fifteen minutes of fame. Enjoy and I will continue to add my signs. 

The book of Revelation in the Bible warns of the seven signs of the apocalypse. Only God knows when the end of time will be but I have noticed some scary signs in popular music that to me denote that music is in its own state of apocalypse. Here are the scary "seven signs" that mark the end of popular music as we know it. 

1. Marilyn Manson 
Don't be fooled- this man is not a crusader for the First Amendment but is a posser. Marilyn Manson is a geek who decided one day that if he sang anti-Christian messages, dressed in gross taste, and perform with his ass hanging out that people might actually pay to see him. The sad thing is that all you who bought his album have fallen for his act. He could care less about artistic freedom- he is just laughing all the way to the bank. 

2. The Spice Girls 
These bimbos are just a female version of the New Kids on the Block. What I find frightening about the Spice Girls was the release of Spice World. This "movie" should have been left on the cutting room floor. The Spice Girls don't have "girl power". These bimbos are terrible role models for little girls. We need to teach little girls to have integrity not short skirts. Fortunately, I believe these girls fifteen minutes of fame are up. 

3. Hanson 
The Partridge Family was bad enough in the 70's but now we have to be subjected to these little girls, means boys in the 90's. Their music is about as meaningful as the Partridge Family songs. I about spit a drink across the room the first time I heard "Mmm Bop". Mmm Bop make them stop. I hate even mentioning this one because I love Matthew Sweet, but why in the hell is Matthew Sweet helping Hanson record their next album? I'm sad and embarrassed. 

4. Puffy Combs 
Puffy Combs has no talent and couldn't write a song to save his life. He has mooched off of the death of Notorious B.I.G. and has stolen from other artists. Yes Puffy, sampling is a euphemism for plagiarizing. What is really scary is that talents like Jimmy Page from the legendary Led Zeppelin and Sting have actually agreed to play with this no talent. These decisions must have been made under duress. 

5. The return of Kenny Loggins 
Kenny Loggins who sang on every soundtrack during the 1980's actually made a comeback last year with a book he wrote with his wife titled The Unimaginable Life. In this book Kenny tells us how wonderful love is and his marriage is in the most cheesy details. The last thing I need read about is Kenny Loggins' love life. Please excuse me why I run to the bathroom and hurl. Kenny, the 80's are over so just go back to your "unimaginable life" with your wife but please don't discuss it with me. 

6. The return of Vanilla Ice 
Vanilla Ice tried to make a comeback this year with his albumHard to Swallow. I thought this guy would have learned after his embarrassing exit during the 80's. Vanilla Ice, your "music" is hard to swallow. You and Kenny Loggins both need to go back to the 80's. 

7. The duets between Celine Dion and Barbara Streisand and Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey 
I think this speaks for itself. 

Some more events that prove the apocalypse has began: 

The Offspring's single "Pretty Fly for a White Guy"- I've heard some pretty bad songs on the radio but this song sucks at a whole new level. There should be a clause in record deals that if you release a song that sucks this much you should have your record deal revoked. 

Rick Springfield played in my hometown recently and the show sold out. *After viewing the Rick Springfield Behind the Music, I decided to retract this statement. Rick is not like most of the losers on these shows. Though I wouldn't say he's cool, I felt bad about lumping him with the losers on this list because he's a pretty nice guy in real life. 

Cool bands opening for washed up acts. 
My beloved Afghan Whigs opening for Aerosmith. Before you flame me on this one, Aerosmith was cool when they sang "Dream On" but that song from Armageddon is just lame. You know you're a sell out when you play the Superbowl half time and have NSync duet with you. And the Gap commercials, Aerosmith isn't cool anymore. Girls Against Boys opening for Run DMC. (same reason as the Whigs opening for Aerosmith). 

Former New Kids on the Block, Joey McIntrye and Jordan Knight making comebacks. Rolling Stone even gave Jordan's album three and a half stars! Yikes! 

Woodstock 99- I'm not going to bitch about how my parents' generation was into to love and peace and this generation is a bunch of thugs but there is a fundamental difference in the two events. The original Woodstock was a spontaneous, once in a lifetime event. Woodstock 99 was a planned money making event and with the possible exception of Live included a lineup that I would definitely not pay money to see. Plus sexual assaults and riots aren't cool either. 

Carnie Wilson of Wilson Phillips having her stomach operation broadcast on the internet. This is so sick and messed up I'm not discussing it any further. 

David Crosby being the sperm donor for Melissa Etheridge's kids. This is not the new American family but a bizarre affair. Why did Melissa pick David Crosby of all people and why was David's wife cool with this? Could you imagine this conversation over the dinner table. "Honey, I was thinking. I'd like to father Melissa Etheridge and her lesbian lover's children". "Gee, Dave what a swell idea! That's so big of you." Somebody is crazy and I don't think it's me. 

Rolling Stone magazine becoming Teen Beat. I've read Rolling Stone for years and I've always felt that Rolling Stone was the place for serious music journalism. However, this year Rolling Stone has featured cover stories on the Backstreet Boys, N' Sync, Britney Spears, Kid Rock, and Christina Aguilera. Does Rolling Stone think that their readers are now suddenly 12? Please Rolling Stone, stick with the serious journalism, not this garbage that a teenager could read in Teen Beat. And quit putting these damn people from American Idol on the cover. It use to be cool to be on the cover of Rolling Stone but the coolness is diminished when game show contestants are cover-worthy. I know, they are "recording artists" now, but they will be has-beens within the next year. 

I have not added a sign to this list in a long time but I had to add the Rock Star: INXS reality show. This show is wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to start. I can understand the surviving members of INXS wanting to continue making music after Michael Hutchence's death. However, there are respectful ways to carry on such as starting a new band or looking for a replacement in the music industry. The whole concept of having a crappy reality show to find a replacement for Hutchence is disrepectful to Hutchence's memory and the great music that INXS made. Plus, I am completely disgusted with Dave Navarro for agreeing to host this garbage. 

There was a point to all of my ranting here and it is to think for yourself. Don't buy music such as listed above because a DJ or corporate rock told you it was cool. Support the underdog and seek out new bands on your own. There are a lot of musical gems out there waiting to be discovered. Also support your local bands- these guys thrive because of your support. Well, that's all for now. Thanks if you've actually read to this point. I'm stepping off my soapbox now.

THE YEAREND POLL (December) 

1998 is coming to a close and every music critic has put together their top picks for the year list. So here's mine 
The Afghan Whigs- 1965 
Tori Amos- From the Choirgirl Hotel 
R.E.M.- Up 
Better Than Ezra- How Does Your Garden Grow 
Tommy Keene- Isolation Party 
Liz Phair- Whitechocolatespaceegg 
Throneberry- Squinting Before the Dazzle 
Girls Against Boys- Freakonica 
The B-52's- Time Capsule 
Semisonic- Feeling Strangely Fine 

Some of my old favorites (R.E.M., Liz Phair, Tori Amos) put out disappointing albums in 1998 but I'll still include them on my top ten list because they were still better than most of what was on the radio.